The title sort of says it all, doesn’t it?
First, it’s been awhile. Hello!
Second, I’ve been singing lots. In the classroom, to my boy at home, in the car, in the shower, and finally, in the basement where I can finally retreat to my ginormous electric set of keys and quietly tinker out what’s been in my head all these years. It feels good. Even if I haven’t finished any of the songs. Even if it’s really only been for two hours. Even if the only place I ever sing them out is in my own house… It feels really good. It feels like me.
A sister friend of mine recently challenged that cultivating this time and space for myself (which in theory feels selfish and is therefore, in my head, laced with guilt), that this is actually for everyone else. When I write/play/sing, I’m simply watering the seeds. It serves my husband, my baby, my students, my friends and family precisely because it’s what makes me able to escape, express, and return to them as myself when I’m through.
Gee, when she put it that way, it made total sense!
And in practice, it’s even better.
But to think about it, to plan it out and organize the time and the space, it makes no sense. How could spending even more quality time away from my sweet baby Johnny Boy (which is the whole point of my usual grumblings… how can I be home with him more?), how could that be what’s best for everyone?
But it is. I’m free when I sing. I have JOY. It’s what I do AND it’s who I am. It’s what I do because it’s who I am. Say what you will about that; it’s true.
And here’s another truth: I actually don’t have to sacrifice my time with Johnny to do this. It can be done while he’s sleeping. (And he’s actually pretty great at that, thank you, God!)
So, as it’s snowing on Spring Break and I sit here counting all the beautiful reminders to BEW in the face of my fears, I submit to all of you this unique little spin on an old classic hymn. Let it remind you that the glory of God is man fully alive. Go do what makes you ALIVE!
To see the law by Christ fulfilled To hear His pardoning voice Can change a slave into a child And duty into choice No strength of nature can suffice To serve the Lord aright And what she has she misapplies For want of clearer light
How long, how long Beneath the law I lay How long, how long I struggled to obey
Then to abstain from outward sin Was more than I could do Now if I feel its power within I feel I hate it too Then all my servile works were done A righteousness to raise Now, freely chosen in the Son I freely choose His ways