I’m coming to find that it’s hooey. Or misguided.
Yeah, that’s a more sophisticated way to paint it. It’s misguided.
After reading (ok, trying to keep up with) David Whyte’s profound ponderings in “The Three Marriages,” I had to re-think how I was thinking about all of it. And it took me all summer. In fact, I’m not sure I finished it. I think I was 20 pages away from the end when I went into labor… Hold on while I go put this on my To Do list…
Ok. I’m back!
Whyte writes that we have three main relationships or marriages in life: one with our work, one with ourselves, and one with someone else, a spouse or significant other.
It’s not about striking a balance, but about finding the ways in which these three relationships are connected (duh- they all involve you,) and how they are designed not to be balanced or fought with, but together, with LOVE, to make your life fruitful and satisfying.
And it’s HARD.
In hindsight, it was probably the perfect stuff to simmer in my soul before I became a working mama because now, it is helping me understand, or heck, remember that there is a bigger picture, an epic love story whose happy ending is counting on the synergy of these three marriages in our lives. My relationship with myself directly effects the one I have with my work (and yes, I have now seen the light: this is a relationship, me and my job), and this directly effects my marriage to my amazing husband, who effects my relationship with myself, and round and round we go.
I believe these marriages are officiated in my life by God, who loves me immensely. He is glorified when we are fully alive, fully ourselves, and fully focused on infusing LOVE into our relationships. “Balance” implies a level of strength and control that I have not ever attained, nor do I want to anymore. All it does is make my heart muscles tired. But if I’ve got my mind set on loving what I’ve got and who I’m with and what I’m doing, if I’ve got my mind focused on His love in the spaces I occupy, then balance doesn’t even matter anymore. Things can be all lop-sided and lumpy, as things tend to be, and love can see past all that.
This song, the lyrics and the music, make my soul feel loved.(Plus, I love Ellie Holcomb’s sweet, honest voice.) I sing it and my heart is happy, and I’m reminded that God’s love irons out all wrinkles in my three marriages.
Are you feeling wrinkly or crumpled or imbalanced? What song helps you straighten out?